RP Newsletter 18: A Decade of reading photographs
Reflecting on the past through a conversation I had with a friend nearly a decade ago.
Almost 10 years ago, I met up with my buddy, Marco. He was photo assisting Kevin Kunishi at the time. He was working on the archives, sorting things out, and the usual shoot day stuff. After his long day, we went out for beers. He brought up something that was lingering in my head for a while. As he finished a sip, he turned to me and said, “I just realized something was off with Garry Winogrand.”
“He was a genius but an asshole” I quickly responded.
“Not just that. He loved photography above everything. That’s what it takes.” Marco replied.
This was around the time of Garry Winogrand’s San Francisco retrospective. I assume this got brought up as Kevin Kunishi has San Francisco roots (He is also one of the most hardworking photographers I have ever witnessed working but I’ll reserve that for a different story). I allowed the thought to linger in my head. One of the most prolific photographers whose legendary status was gained through his way of working and interacting with the world. Constantly on the lookout, not caring if his camera is off the horizon, using his to the point that his hands have imprinted themselves on it. He is off-putting and confrontational. Yet Szarkowski calls him the greatest photographer of his generation. He is remembered dying with thousands of rolls left behind.
Hardly anyone knows that he has three children and was divorced twice. I wonder if they call him a genius when they need him to be a father.
As I finished the thought in my head I responded, “I guess like most things in life, what are you willing to do to get what you want?”
We suddenly listed down photographers and their achievements. Noboyushi Araki: Genius but never re-married and has no children. Masahisa Fukase: Amazing vision with his books but is notoriously manipulative of his partner and family. Arbus: Allowed herself the pain of others but committed suicide. Ren Hang: The vision of his generation but also committed suicide.
We even examined local photographers. We all found one thing clear: to be able to reach the highest levels of photography, you have to give something up.
And for what? Photography hardly fulfills a capitalist need. Newsrooms are closing down. Creative agencies are opting for generated imagery. Freelancing has hardly been about photographing too. It’s about building connections and business acumen. Perhaps that’s why Winogrand is regarded as legendary. A simple tool like the camera allowed him to do great things. But for what? What does this high level of photography bring anyway? Fame? Notoriety? Ego? Photography doesn’t make you win capitalism. For all my years studying and engaging in photography, I don’t know anyone who got billions through photography alone.
Then Marco threw the question at me. “How about you? What do you want to achieve with photography”. I sighed. “I don’t care if I get remembered,” I told him. “I want to have a family though. It doesn’t matter what people would think about my work, writings, or everything. But I want my family to know I loved them and was there for them.”
At that point in my life, I’ve been a professional for less than a decade, and reading photographs as a platform has only been around for a few years. I’ve only started a relationship with my now wife. Photography was the only other constant in my life.
Fast forward to today, I finally achieved what I always wanted: to have a family.
I quietly celebrated the 10th year of reading photographs existing last May. After leaving academia 2 years ago, I’ve been pondering what would be next. Admittedly, my freelance photographer work hasn’t picked up again and I wish I had more time and money to get into working on this regularly. It made me wonder what success means when you are engaged in photography.
Awards? Publications? Exhibitions? Notoriety? Followers? Ego? Immortality?
Maybe the answer isn’t too deep and it’s most likely our capitalist society’s metric for measuring anything, money.
But ideally, it’s the continuous pursuit of doing photography.
One of the questions I raise when I look into photographic work these days is what makes a work possible. Not just a question of financing but what was the sum-total of decisions that led to the creation of the image. More than the intent, I’m starting to think that intent is overrated. I’m more interested in the motivation. Why this exact picture of the near-infinite things a human can do?
The beauty of the artistic pursuit is that you can set the standards you want to create your desired work. Photography is one of the best things that can accompany your life. I never regretted any photograph I made. I guess that is why I chose this platform in the first place. It has been my companion for understanding and making sense of my love of photobooks and photography (especially if made in the Philippines or the region). I’ve seen trends come and go. Works started as ideas and ended up as exhibitions. I’ve seen countless pictures that tickled my brain and showed me the depths of despair, and evidence of human actions. The scene started as a niche within a niche to now a full-blown photoland.
This platform has enabled me to share what I know in different countries and connect through stories and images. Maybe my favorite achievement yet, putting what I believe into practice establishing a fine arts college, and designing a photography program for a university. I think I did pretty ok considering 70% of what I know as self-taught through application, listening to people, and reading books. I think I did pretty well considering I don’t upload as much. I wish I could or did though. But like I said, life takes precedence over pictures.
Which brings me to what’s next for reading photographs. Allow me to be existential and ask myself, were the past 10 years worth it?
In capitalist terms, hell no. But in experiencing life terms, it’s been beautiful. There’s been struggle of course but it’s overall beautiful. The only thing I want to change is I hope I have the mental strength to not be afraid to say what I want and get out of my head. My head has always been in the way because of excessive worry that I wish I can just turn it off. Not because I want to save Philippine photography or grow it through exchange or conversations. To stand on what I believe in that gave me so much in life. Something as simple as things made with glass in a box with light-sensitive materials can be vessels for ideas, stories, and histories. I have to admit that I have been burned out by all of it. I’ve questioned why I keep this going when there are now better writers, more thoughtful critics, and other keen figures in the scene. There was no one I could turn to when I started. I had to look overseas for help and ask people if I’m going in the right direction. The question “Why specialize in photography?” is always asked and I don’t have a clear answer. I don’t even know what I offer except I like the medium. I started this thing as a way to express my love for photobooks and works of photography. It’s best to not lose sight of that.
I suppose it’s not too late to figure it out. After all, I finally got what I wanted most in this life. Maybe it’s time to give this platform the attention it deserves because if I was able to do all these at my current capacity, what more if I give it priority? Maybe you don’t need to give something up, you just need to embrace what is given. If it allows you to do what you want continuously, it shouldn’t be a bad thing.
Maybe it’s not about achieving infamy, continuing the pursuit, or giving something up all for photography. Maybe it’s giving back to those who taught me, trusted me, and believed in me, starting with my wife and kid. All this because of my ongoing (probably autistic?) obsession with the still image. I just have to give it back in a manner that I can make a sustainable life out of this.
It’s been a wonderful decade of reading photographs. For those who were part of this journey with me, you will always have my gratitude. Here’s to figuring it out and not giving up.
To Dan Abbe, Ox Lee, Veejay Villafranca, and Wawi Navarozza who were the first people who encouraged me to start this out, 10 years on and still here.
A.g.